Reality TV killed the good TV.

Mon Jan 16, 12:42 PM by

The average American, if living until only 65 years of age, spends nine years of that time watching television (it’s true, I looked it up). Nine freaking years, are you kidding me? And all this for crappy reality television which takes up more than 50% of airtime. I blame Mark Burnett and Survivor (although not the first reality shows, we’re going to let the Real World and Judge Wapner slide on this one). Follow this up with Big Brother, a number of dating shows, and various people suing other people for messing up the paint job on their ’84 Chevettes. Don’t believe me? Just turn on your television, I guarantee you can find a reality show someplace. This epidemic is so widespread, even Flava Flav has his own television show. Philo T. Farnsworth is rolling in his grave right now. Had he known his invention (the television for those who don’t know) would spawn the plague in existence today, he would have stopped himself. While I’m on the topic of grave-rolling, I bet the inventor of the clock is joining Philo. No clock = no Mr. Flav.

What happened to the good ol’ days when society couldn’t get enough M*A*S*H? Now, I was never really a fan of the show, but given the circumstances today, I would learn to like it. Matter of fact, I would LOVE it. The days when Richard Dawson, not Richard Karn, hosted The Feud and Bob Barker molested his Beauties without the aids of modern science. The days when everyone walked around screaming “DYN-O-MITE!” and Rerun ruled the dance floor. Roseanne was lewd, the Wayans’ brothers were hilarious, Kirstie Alley wasn’t quite yet a fat actress, Zack Morris ruled Bayside, and Dylan McKay was super pimp.

So far, I can only deduce two purposes served by reality television, neither beneficial to society:

1) To give washed up actors/actresses new life as well as introduce the faces of new “ordinary” people to celebrity status.

This can’t possibly be why people watch reality television. Do people really care if Master P can ballroom dance or if that goofy guy from Full House can ice skate…? Are people so enamored with the wit and charm of Paula Abdul that they can’t help but to tune into American Idol two or three times a week (she’s drunk by the way)? People can’t really want this. Too boot, we’re going to inject names such as Eric Nies, Puck, and Amorosa into our society. Shameful.

2) To give Americans that believe their life is so pitiful they must rely on the misfortunes and stupidity of others to get through their everyday life.

This statement might be a bit harsh, but c’mon people. How many times do you need to see a person eat worms before it gets old? The fake romances? Donald Trump say “you’re fired.”? In my opinion, once is more than enough. Maybe you want to believe there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, that Darva Conger and Rick Rockwell will work out, Bigfoot exists, Tommy Lee will make a good athlete at the University of Nebraska, and the Tooth Fairy gives you a quarter.

All that said, the next Real World is taping in Detroit, this one could be interesting.

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